I started blogging in May 2006. God was taking me into the depths of my soul and showing me what an utter wasteland I had made of it. In that darkness I wrote the following. I originally posted it on my first blog (charisshalom.blogspot.com) on May 21, 2006. I had written it on an airplane (business travel) in about five minutes of pure inspiration as God was helping me see how broken I was.
My breathing is rough,
And my heart a wreck;
My mind is reeling–
Everything unchecked.
How did I get here
This tailspinning travail,
Where all i see
Is misery?
It seems I’ve built myself
A house of mirrors–
Where the only view
Is the one I idolize.
Yes, I’ve buried myself
In a coffin of my own design
Where all i can see
Is me.
One step away from death,
This mirrored house of horrors.
I must stop this nightmarish trip,
And find One who is worthy of my worship.
When I try to break the glass
I can’t find any tool;
Because I keep looking in the mirrors
Enraptured by my own tears.
No, I’ve built a life I can’t tear down,
So I’m asking you to do it for me–
For though you gave me the solid foundation,
I erected a self-serving station.
Break me down;
Destroy this narcissistic clown;
I want to see the world as it is–
A world that isn’t all about me.
I know you have created a beautiful place,
But I stopped looking at it years ago.
I just want to be able to see reality–
Once again . . . finding liberty.
It was approximately six weeks later I found myself planning our first trip to the University of the Nations to move from a career as a corporate attorney to being a missionary family. Isn’t it amazing how God not only played this song in my heart, helped me cry it out to Him, and then He answered it in ways beyond my imagination?
Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise God all creatures here below
Praise Him all ye heavenly hosts
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
Amen.