Yesterday I was preparing to go to church. It was only the second time since I have been here that I wouldn’t be preaching, so I was taking things easy. I decided I had some time to move the pictures off of our camera onto the computer so that I could make space for more pictures on the camera. I did everything I normally would do, but I must have hit a wrong button because before I even realized what was happening I had cleaned my camera card off but the pictures never were imported into the computer. 210 pictures of our final week and a half…. GONE. Pictures of Keaton with his special friend, Alna Grace, one of the Filipina volunteers and YWAMer, a 23 year old gift from God…pictures of Tara and I baptizing four women, including one of the Filipina volunteers….pictures of ministry…pictures of our farewell celebration with our volunteers… GONE…
I was heart sick.
I didn’t want to go to church. I didn’t want to do anything. Devasted really was a good word.
I put one foot in front of the other and went down to join the group preparing to board a Jeepney to go to church. One of my classmates must have read the look on my face and asked if I was okay. When I told them I was not and what had happened they asked if they could pray for me and with me about the pictures. I told them I just couldn’t. I really didn’t have the faith to do so.
Over the next hour, as I rode on the back of the Jeepney to church (think of any dog you have seen in the back of a pickup truck with his face in the wind – I wish I had a picture to show you), my hair flying all around me, I talked to God about it. I was reminded of Elijah. Here he had had the ministry opportunity and victory of a lifetime. He got to show hundreds of false priests and prophets the true power of the true God, calling down fire from Heaven!!! But then he heard that Jezebel wanted his head on a platter and he was reduced to a puddle of tears, wimpering in a cave somewhere, all alone, that he wished God would just kill him. Here I have had seven weeks of incredible ministry, personally seeing over a hundred people saved, people being healed miraculously, feeding hundreds, washing the feet of those who had never had such attention, my family rejoicing and being together all the time, and the like, but in one moment of 210 pictures vanishing, my faith was gone.
In spite of my lack of faithfulness in response to God’s infinite faithfulness, I heard Him say this, His Holy Spirit comforting me… Bryan, you see now dimly, but you will see the Real one day, face to face. Those pictures that were snatched away from you are just dim reflections of the Real. You lived the Real. You got to represent Me to hundreds and thousands of Filipinos. Don’t let images of what is be what you hold on to. Live. Love. Be as I am.
Thank you, God. Thank you for Your faithfulness and for caring about me even in the little things. I was fretting over a few pictures and you took time to care for me even when there are Filipino parents right now fretting because they have no food for their children. You are an infinitely merciful and loving God.
I say all that to say that I hoped to post some pictures of our ocean baptisms, but they were a part of what vanished. Instead, I can tell you that we had an amazing time of worship and reflection on the almighty power of God and Christ’s resurrection as four women followed Jesus’ example in water baptism. Buried with Christ by baptism, raised to walk in newness of life. Elsa, Malou, Ami, and Nilla all professed publicly their decisions to follow Jesus and their love for Him. Tara and I were blessed to baptize all four. As we partied in the waves, we knew that others were rejoicing all around us. To God be the glory. They, like us, all said that they never would have dreamed they would be there, in the ocean, celebrating their decisions to follow Jesus in baptism. What a joy (“kalipay” in Cebuano).