“I miss you.” Those were words I once said over the phone to my wife and kids from a myriad of fancy hotels (Ritz Carlton, Sofitel, Marriott) or while eating at the Palm, Sam & Harry’s, or some local restaurant that was the current hot spot. They were the right words to say, but the heart behind them was empty.
I went through a long period where I was empty. I knew I was running from God. He had spoken to my heart to go into ministry, but I thought I was hearing things. I talked myself out of such “nonsense” by reasoning through it. I had two kids (I now have three). I had a home and a mortgage. My wife liked having nice things. I did, too. My parents were proud of my education and profession. We lived less than 30 minutes from both sets of parents/grandparents. We were heavily involved in our church and were doing “all the right things.” Surely it wouldn’t be wise to go back to school and spend even less time with my kids than I already was…
The more I filled myself with my own thoughts and the world’s ways the emptier my heart became. Whereas God calls us to a ministry of reconciliation and His love compels us and holds us together, because I was ignoring that calling my life was falling apart. I didn’t even know what it meant to miss my children, at least not often. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. I was a man leaning on my own understanding and wasn’t even close to “trusting in the Lord with all my heart.”
I’m amazed now at how differently I feel. Filled with His purpose and plan, overflowing with His love, I miss my kids when I am not with them. I don’t long for those moments alone; instead, when I am alone in my car I feel as though a part of me is gone. I am looking for ways to spend time with others and share with them the story of God working in and through me. If you struggle with loving those who should be easiest to love, or seem unable to share about God (or can’t think of any stories to share), then ask God why. It could be that you aren’t listening to His call on your life.
I can tell you this. Just like the father of the prodigal son He is calling out to you with these words: “I miss you.”