But it’s not the kind one might think. It’s worse. I don’t know about you, but it seems like I hit the new year with many hopes and dreams and then it only takes a few hours to realize that I am still me and it is just another day. I yell at my kids; my football team loses; I worry about how much stuff I have to do to get ready to leave the country; I have a house to sell and huge financial pressures; and, in very little time, life can seem bigger than God Himself. Even stupid things like a football game impact my faith and joy.
I can relate to Paul’s lament: O when will I be delivered from this body of death?
And I can see in so many of David’s psalms what kind of God we serve… a God who wants us to share our heart with Him and to let Him know when we are feeling the pressures of life.
O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.
For your arrows have pierced me,
and your hand has come down upon me.***
I am feeble and utterly crushed;
I groan in anguish of heart.All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;
my sighing is not hidden from you.My heart pounds, my strength fails me;
even the light has gone from my eyes.***
I have become like a man who does not hear,
whose mouth can offer no reply.I wait for you, O LORD;
you will answer, O Lord my God.I confess my iniquity;
I am troubled by my sin.***
O LORD, do not forsake me;
be not far from me, O my God.Come quickly to help me,
O Lord my Savior.
You see, in the end, all this despair is such a beautiful thing because it is through this I see what an amazing God we serve. In spite of my frailty He reaches down to me and offers me His hand, His joy, His Spirit. Praise God. I am reminded of how He has delivered us from all these things and so much more over the years.
Please keep praying for us as we prepare to leave in just two weeks! it is so easy to fall into worry and despair as we have much to do in preparation and as our enemy desires to keep us there.