I had a personal eureka today. In my life, as a young man, I have struggled mightily with allowing myself to chase the sin of lust. I’ve struggled mentally, emotionally, and physically with this. Whether it has been personal pleasure or pornography, I’ve often found myself in compromising positions regarding the temptation of lust from a very young age.
This is a deadly battle for me. I’ve often felt hopeless in it. Fatalistic. I’ve seen others fall victims to such sin and I’ve lived as though I were destined to do the same. And, as a follower of Jesus, and one who has studied the scripture much, I’ve often felt this way because I don’t understand why the victory over sin that Jesus gave us at the cross seemed so impossible for me in this area. Why do I find myself looking that wee bit too long at a lovely girl or allow myself to go back to that website where I know I will only be a click away from revealing pictures of women? Why do I try to find comfort in things that are fleeting when God is always ready to comfort me? Why would I choose cheap imitations when I can have complete intimacy with the King of all kings?
So, what was my eureka? I wasn’t trusting God and was believing a lie. Sounds simple, eh? Well, how was I not trusting God and what lie was I believing? Notice the title of this post: The Struggle with Sin. That is significant. It is NOT a struggle with myself. It is not a struggle with God. It is not a struggle with others. It is a struggle with sin. That is one of the first parts of my eureka. Why? Because my reaction to sexual sin in my life was to hate myself.
Let me say that again. My reaction to sexual sin in my life was to hate myself. Now, ponder that. Is that a message from God? Did God ever tell me to hate myself? Absolutely not. God is my loving heavenly Father. God is love. And God is with me, taking great delight in me, rejoicing over me with singing! Zephaniah 3:17.
There is only one who would try to convince me to hate myself: Satan.
The most ineffective reaction to sin is to hate oneself. I poured out my hatred onto myself rather than onto the sin. I didn’t need to hate the sin because I was all “hated out.” And even felt good about such a response. But, God calls us to imitate Him and to hate sin, not to hate the one He created in His image. Applying this eureka I have begun praying that God would help me identify sin in my life, help me to confess it as sin, and to give me the strength to repent of that sin and walk away from it. I am praying that God will reveal more of His character of love to and for me and His hatred of sin (which flows in part because of His great love for me!). I am praying that I will begin to see sin as He sees it and that I will also see myself as He sees me. Change my heart, Oh God!
Paul reinforces this truth in the chapter where he reveals his great struggle with sin (Romans 7). In verse 20 he writes: “Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.” What amazes me is that I’ve honestly never thought about this. I really felt like hating myself was an appropriate and godly response to my sin. But, the only thing it helped me to do was to continue to hold onto the sin while destroying myself. Crafty is our enemy.
God deliver me from the lie that I am unworthy of Your love, of life, or of a holy and abundant life because of the sin that dwells within me. Help me to see myself and to see sin just as you do. Give me the passion for people that You have, including for myself, and ignite in me the passion You have against sin. Thank you for loving me.
Praise God for the truth that “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.” Romans 8:1-4.